As soon as the child is born, a surprising number of parents are already worried that they might spoil it too much. There are concerns, for example, about whether they should constantly carry the child around, or whether it might become spoiled and spoiled early on. And should you look after the child when it cries, or would it rather learn that it only needs to cry to get everything it wants?
Paradoxically, it is often enough the very same parents who later throw such fears overboard when the child gets older and know neither measure nor center. They worry constantly, plan everything meticulously, accompany their child at every turn and absolutely have to control every aspect of their child's growth. Helicopter parents - constantly circling around their little ones.
Helicopter parents - a modern-day phenomenon?
Many experts are concerned about this development: helicopterparents don't let their children grow up on their own, but constantly circle around them. For them,constant control is the guarantee of security and success. The term "helicopter parents" comes from the fact that they constantly circle their children in a protective manner. However, they also quickly turn into a transport helicopter that transports the child safely and reliably from A to B. Apparently, the child cannot be expected to walk the few hundred meters to kindergarten,school or the sports club alone .But how is the offspring of such eversupposed tolearntomovesafely in traffic if they only know it from looking out of a car window?
Children who travel to school every day in their parents' cab are deprived of many important experiences. How nice itused to be when we went to school and back home on our own, makingfriends, making plans for the afternoon or grumblingabout teachers ! Children of helicopter parents are denied this. But what's more, they are also deprived of the chance to walk to school alone every morning and afternoon in order to gain security and self-confidence. At some point, every child is able to walktoschoolalone or use public transport. If several children from the neighborhood join forces, this reduces any risks even further.
However, there isanother type of helicopter parent: theso-called rescue helicopters. Theywant to protect their child from any harm, which is a healthy parental instinct. However, children learn from experience. If the childhas forgotten their gym bag for the umpteenth time , the teacher will give them a whistlethis time . This is guaranteed to be more instructive, than mom carting him after her in the caryet again.
Helicopter parents - an overprotected childhood
An entire security industry has developed from the fear of small children. But where is the line between healthy caution and overprotection?
Across Germany, there are fewer and fewer children, but more and more guides on raising children. Children used to run around on the street, but in the age of smartphones, tablets and the like, they spend less and less time outdoors and suffer from a lack of exercise. Are parents right to fear for their children's motor and communication skills?
Helicopterparentsat school
In some cases the commitment of helicopterparents even goesso far as to complainto teachers or at parents' evenings about everything and everyone. Many teachers can confirm this: In the past, it was the students ' own fault if they brought homebad grades . Today, helicopter parents blame the teachers. Of course, there will always be the odd unfair grade, but here the children are being set a devastating example. It's never their own fault, but always the fault of others. It is not uncommonfor people to even writeto the ministry if their offspring onlybring homeaC in dictation .
Why do parents do this?
The phenomenon of this kind of overprotection occurs in up to 20% of all parents, particularly often when they have only children. The reason is as simple as it is obvious: parents are afraid for their most precious possession - their child.
However, a number of other reasons for this phenomenon are being discussed. For example, the fact that parents nowadays return to work quite quickly. Because they cannot be there for their children during the day, they develop a sense of guilt that they compensate for by showering the child with love and care in the evening .
Another approach sees the cause more in the fact that the parents feel a lack of success in their own lives and project their ambition onto the child as a result. The offspring are expected to achieve what the parents were unable to.
In addition, family planning is very differenttoday than it was 50 years ago. Back then, children were almost a matter of course for couples. Children appeared on the scene soon after marriage.Nowadays, however, children are meticulously planned. First of all, they take care of their own careers. Then, when the couple think they are ready for a child, everything has to work out 100%. However, maximum control is required to realize this ambition.
Consequences
Of course, this behavior also hasconsequences. Sometimes even serious ones: Parents who overprotecttheir child band together and exert an influence, on the school system, for example, that should not be underestimated. But this idea can be taken even further: Where is a society going that consists to no small extent of permanently drilled, spoiled children whoare spared from everything and controlled by others? What does it mean for our social and state structure if a large part of the population displays an attitude of entitlement and care without ever having internalized the principles of personal responsibility and self-efficacy?
Self-confidence
It goes without saying that such parentalbehavior is not without consequences for the child itself: How must it feel to have parents controlling and accompanying you at every turn ? At some point, everyoverprotected child must suspect that their parents have no confidence in them. This has consequences:The child is prevented from developing their own problem-solving skills and self-confidence. Instead, it will be dependent on others to solve its problems. In addition, but also related to this, it will lead to such children being happy to be served from top to bottom. Not only do they depend on others to solve their problems, they think they have a right to exploit others. If their parents (or later their partner, friends, etc.) are unable or unwilling to help out, drama ensues. And if something goes wrong, it's never their fault. They pass on responsibility to others, become lazy, lethargic andunimaginative-.
Such an attitude will lead to a rude awakening later in life. At some point, the inevitable leap into the deep end comes, the point at which mom and dad can no longer do everything for their offspring. From then on, the child is more or less on their own, and they are now facing a difficult phase. For some, however, this moment only comes when they start work or university.
One effect that can occur with children of helicopter parents is what sociologists call "isolation". Childrenused to play on the street or in the nursery with their friends -without parents, of course . Nowadays , however, children are driven from A to B and are practically always accompanied by at least one parent - even in the playground. Mom and dad act as the children' s private animators and consider themselvesresponsiblefor their happiness and entertainment . Only rarely do children have to take responsibility for their own free time. Are you now wondering whether you yourself might have the characteristics of a helicopter parent? As a parent yourself, it's not that easy to recognize. After all, all parents want the best for their child. That doesn't make them helicopter parents. Here, too, it is probably a question of finding the ideal mix of laissez faire and control. The difficulty lies in finding the right balance. However, if younotice , that yourun after your toddler every step of the way to prevent them from falling when you are playing with them in the sand at the playground, even though there are plenty of other childrenthere , then this could indicate that you are overdoing it with caring for your baby. Another sign:Helicopterparentsare more involved than averagein the school.Theyknow the names of all teachers, know exactly what is being taught in which subject and have full control over homework and current lessons. They make friends with the teachers andarepresent and active at school events,excursionsetc. more often than average. And of course they take it personally if a grade or assessment at school is not as good as they had hoped. In the private sphere, too, such parents try to lead their children to supposed success through precise control. They accompany their offspringto every training session and every competition. In this way, the child never has the chance to go their own way or pursue a hobby independently. Helicopterparentstend to plan and organizenot only their own daily routine down to the smallest detail, but also that of their children, so that their offspring are perfectly encouraged and not bored. If you find yourself in this description, you might want to give it some thought. Of course, it's not about leaving small children to their own devices. Especially when they are very young, they are not yet able to recognize serious dangers and cannot cope without their parents. However, this does not apply equally throughout childhood and at all times. At some point, parents have to take an orderly step back and give the child space to experience themselves and the world. On the one hand, there is care, protection and control; on the other hand, children need the opportunity to develop and becomemore independent. albeit gradually and in small steps. What exactly this looks like varies from child to child. Onechild maywant to go to the kindergarten around the corner alone at the age of 5, whileanother child is already able to play to a nearby playground alone with a friend at the age of 6 . The next child is already confident enough to stay at home alone for an hour at the age of 10. In individual cases, it is important to find solutions that allow the child to explore their own abilities and limits, while at the same time keeping a protective hand over them as invisibly as possible. Perhaps the playground friend's mother can be on call to pick up both children. If children show and desire this independence, then parents should support this and, if possible, not block it. Especially at the beginning, it may take some effort to let children run around on their own. But the more we gently allow them to become more independent, the sooner they will develop all the skills they need to cope better and better on their own. The more we trust children and the more freedom we give them, the sooner they have the chance to experience a free and carefree childhood, as sheltered and yet free as we used to be. There is a saying: "When childrenare small, give them roots; when they are big, give them wings", and this can serve as a good motto for parents. In the first year of life, babies can and should be pampered, cared for and protected. There is no alternative during this time anyway, as children are completely dependent on mom and dad. They need endless love and skin-to-skin contact. As the children get older, however, the parents can relax and should encourage the children to be independent. In doing so, they may be guided by thoughts of their own childhood. What was it like for them in the past? Were they mothered in the same way? Did it harm them to play outside with friends unsupervised? Of course, the world is a different place today, but there were dangers then as there are now. Helicopter parents need to face their own fear and learn to give their children the benefit of the doubt. They should protect and guard them as much as absolutely necessary, but give them as much freedom as possible. Then the children will develop self-awareness and risk awareness and the skills to deal with dangers and problems. If you are a helicopter parent, you want to do everything you can for your child to pave the way for a fulfilled, happy and successful life. There's nothing wrong with that. However, you may need to think again about whether your chosen strategy is actually effective. Also be ruthless with yourself about the extent to which you may be projecting your own goals onto the child It is not your job to find happiness for your children. It is your job to give them the tools to find their own happiness. "If the children are small, give them roots; if they are big, give them wings"Isolation of children
How do parents recognize that they arehelicopterparents?
How much supervision do children need?
Conclusion
